Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
