You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just gift wrapped bread.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
