they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
