The maid of honor just puked.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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