FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
