Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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