There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
