I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
