Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
