How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
