Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
