apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
