I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
