i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
