he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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