Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
birth control should be required to get into college
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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