I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
