I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
