so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
