this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
