God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
