I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
