I didn't shave. On purpose
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
