I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
