i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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