The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
