Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
