It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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