ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
