I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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