My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
