I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
