you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
