just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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