I can't watch pbs sober anymore
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
