Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
