he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
