I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
