Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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