Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
