we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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