I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
