Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
