My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
