I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
