Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
