Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
