sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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