Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
