Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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