my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
