my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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